I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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