If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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