your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i think i have two assholes
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
