From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
