You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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