Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
