I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
3pm strippers are depressing
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
