I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize