FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
