Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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