Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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