I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
