So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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