My room smells like vodka and shame
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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