Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
