i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
