I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
