im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
