Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
