my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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