I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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