puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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