the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I need to calm my uterus...
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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