Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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