no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
