no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
