i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
