We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Randomize
