I can tuck mytits in my pants
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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