you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
