One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
