I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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