Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
