There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
