We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i think i scared a bird with my dick
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
