but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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