census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
