I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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