it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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