I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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