I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
