I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
