yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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