I just pynch a tree in the face
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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