Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
