Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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