Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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