they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
