Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
