I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
