is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
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