guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
