I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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